The 21st Annual Whistler WinterPRIDE is taking place February 3-10th 2013. Always a great time had by all! Seriously one of the “funnest” Prides I have every attended. And boy have I ever attended Prides…
Here is a guest blog I wrote for The Whistler Insider on this years event. You can catch some of my previous articles including WinterPRIDE on the Huff Post at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-snelgrove
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictio
nary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
0 plays • Download
August 14th 2012 QueerFM RELOADED -
Mouth humping your ear holes full of voice talk and hot tunes!
Today’s funny, fast and furious show featuring too many dirty bits to list, the regular XXX hilarity of Jared & Barb, another amazing DJ mix from DJ Denise, Velvet Says, LGBT news and rants, double the fruit and the ESTROGEN HOUR!
With a rabid worldwide listening audience via live streaming (citr.ca) or at 101.9FM in Vancouver, catch the show every Tuesday 8am-10:30am (PST) 4pm-6:30 (GMT) on CiTr Radio.
Yes, the lunatics have taken over the asylum yet again, as you will hear on this podcast, with Barb, Jared, DJ Denise, and Velvet Steele. Plenty of laughs, double entendres, LGBT news, VANBag listings, provocative discussion, but mostly?
Crazy people guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Listen in to see what all the world is buzzing about! Follow us on twitter at @QueerFMVan and join in the tweeting buzz on air!
10 plays • Download
August 7th 2012 QueerFM RELOADED - POST PRIDE HANGOVER EDITION
Mouth humping your ear holes full of voice talk and hot tunes!
Today’s funny,not-quite-as- fast and furious show featuring too many dirty bits to list, the regular XXX hilarity of Jared & Barb, another amazing DJ mix from DJ Denise, Velvet Says, LGBT news and rants!
With a rabid worldwide listening audience via live streaming (citr.ca) or at 101.9FM in Vancouver, catch the show every Tuesday 8am-10:30am (PST) 4pm-6:30 (GMT) on CiTr Radio.
Yes, the lunatics have taken over the asylum yet again, as you will hear on this podcast, with Barb Snelgrove, Jared, DJ Denise, and Velvet Steele. Plenty of laughs, double entendres, LGBT news, VANBag listings, provocative discussion, but mostly?
Crazy people guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Listen in to see what all the world is buzzing about! Follow us on twitter at @QueerFMVan and join in the tweeting buzz on air!
0 plays • Download
July 24th 2012 QueerFM RELOADED - Mouth humping your ear holes full of voice talk and hot tunes!
Today’s funny, fast and furious show featuring too many dirty bits to list, the regular XXX hilarity of Jared & Barb, mouth humping in Espanol, Vancouver Frontrunner, Hookers & Pancakes & Signs and another amazing DJ mix from DJ Denise, Velvet Says, LGBT news and rants!
With a rabid worldwide listening audience via live streaming (citr.ca) or at 101.9FM in Vancouver, catch the show every Tuesday 8am-10:30am (PST) 4pm-6:30 (GMT) on CiTr Radio.
Yes, the lunatics have taken over the asylum yet again, as you will hear on this podcast, with Barb Snelgrove, Jared, DJ Denise, and Velvet Steele. Plenty of laughs, double entendres, LGBT news, VANBag listings, provocative discussion, but mostly?
Crazy people guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Listen in to see what all the world is buzzing about! Follow us on twitter at @QueerFMVan and join in the tweeting buzz on air!
10 plays • Download
July 16th 2012 QueerFM RELOADED - Mouth humping your ear holes full of voice talk and hot tunes!
Today’s funny, fast and furious show featuring too many dirty bits to list, trying for a peach , RIM jobs, it’s not the size, it’s what you do with it, Barb’s button box pushing, Olympic snatch events, another amazing DJ mix from DJ Denise, THE NANCY SINATRA MIX, David C. Jones Theatre report w/ Blowing Whistles and (as always) enough double entendre’s to last you the week!! …
With a rabid worldwide listening audience via live streaming (citr.ca) or at 101.9FM in Vancouver, catch the show every Tuesday 8am-10:30am (PST) 4pm-6:30 (GMT) on CiTr Radio.
Yes, the lunatics have taken over the asylum yet again, as you will hear on this podcast, with Barb Snelgrove, Jared, DJ Denise, David C. Jones, Velvet Steele. Plenty of laughs, double entendres, LGBT news, VANBag listings, provocative discussion, but mostly? Crazy people guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Listen in to see what all the world is buzzing about! Follow us on twitter at @QueerFMVan and join in the tweeting buzz on air!
FROM THE VAULTS:
Aired July 26, 2010 Barb Snelgrove (Parade Grand Marshal - Local hero) Steven Schelling (West Ender Magazine) Darcy Michael (Queer Comic)
Pride Week 2010 is about to begin, and to create awareness BT put together a panel of gay men and women to discuss important issues and talk about upcoming events.
FROM THE VAULTS:
Aired July 26, 2010 Barb Snelgrove (Parade Grand Marshal - Local hero) Steven Schelling (West Ender Magazine) Darcy Michael (Queer Comic)
Pride Week 2010 is about to begin, and to create awareness BT put together a panel of gay men and women to discuss important issues and talk about upcoming events.
30 plays • Download
July 10th 2012 QueerFM RELOADED! Today’s funny, fast and furious show featuring too many dirty bits to list, Saving Lennox, Boobs in the Hall, Barb’s lesbian button pushing, “sensitive areas are inflamed?”, an amazing DJ mix from DJ Denise, “CruisingInCaliDrinking-MegaMix”, kitties in bed, and (as always) enough double entendre’s to last you the week!! …
With a rabid worldwide listening audience via live streaming (citr.ca) or at 101.9FM in Vancouver, catch the show every Tuesday 8am-10:30am (PST) 4pm-6:30 (GMT) on CiTr Radio.
Yes, the lunatics have taken over the asylum yet again, as you will hear on this podcast, with Barb Snelgrove, Jared and DJ Denise. Plenty of laughs, double entendres, LGBT news, VANBag listings, provocative discussion, but mostly? Crazy people guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Listen in to see what all the world is buzzing about! Follow us on twitter at @QueerFMVan and join in the tweeting buzz on air!
